Go jack Run run
You can be faster
Than that gun gun
Quickly Quickly
Dont Get shot
That man is defiantly
Smoking some pot pot
About Me
- Peter Johnson
- Savannah, Georgia, United States
- Hi my name is jack. I go to Country Day school in Savannah, Georgia. My favorite sport is basketball. I also play soccer and do cross country. I also like to go to the beach and hang out with my friends. I like to eat and play video games too. My favorite movie is Superbad. I like to listen to music. My favorite kind of music is rap, country, and rock. I like to hang out with my family. It makes my feel really good.
1 comment:
Make sure you use verbs consistently. Check out this section: “The week of July fourth is my favorite week of summer. Everyone would drive down and watch the fireworks. We would relax on the beach all day. One day, my friend Brennan and I wanted to go get something to eat.” In the first sentence, the verb is in present tense, but in the second sentence, the verb is past perfect. The fourth sentence uses past tense. Pick a tense, either present or past (for this assignment) and stick with it all the way through.
I want more description from you about the Arby’s parking lot and about the men that approach you. You tell what happens instead of showing. Don’t rush, but make the story about the action. Make it real.
Right now you could lose the recipe because there isn’t enough in it to make it important to the essay. Either add more detail and interest to it or try another genre to keep up the momentum of the story. The song and the poem are basically saying the same thing and don't alot either to the story. As you revise, remember that the essay is supposed to be a complete story with a clear beginning, middle and end. Each genre part should tell a part of the story, and the parts should build upon each other to create the full story.
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